#the first being that someone being aro means theyre almost certainly ace as well

[235uranium]

I love how ppl say they're writing ford as aro when they're writing him as aroace and by love I mean I find it deeply frustrating

[nunyo-bizznez]

Ive watched this vido a couple times now, and i really dont want to start any fights, but i do have some thoughts.

I’m cis, almost certainly. Get that out of the way. So if any trans or nb person reads this you can feel free to disagree. But from my outside-looking-in perspective, it seems like dyphoria IS mandatory. I just think maybe people understand ‘dyphoria’ as a form of self-hatred rather than just a general sense of discomfort. Honestly, to my thinking, trans folks wouldnt be trans in the first place if they didnt have a sense something was wrong with living as the gender they were raised. A nacsent sense of somthing being amiss that encouraged that experimentation in the forst place. My understanding of dysphoria is, that unless there was something that made you unhappy about being one gender, you wouldnt have sought to change.

Many of the trans people i know had anxiety disorders, eating disorders, full-on body dypsmorphic disorder, which were alleviated or even erased by their transitioning. Maybe those we’re manifestations of a gender dysphoria?

Admittedly, I am no psychologist. My background is in biological anthropology (that will become relevant later) and in anthropology in general. But I saw those trends in Natalie‘s early videos as well. Up to and including the admittance of enjoying drag “being treated like a woman“ during sex being a thing that she enjoyed even when she was living as the wrong gender. There was always an nascent awareness that feminine expression was preferable to masculine expression. Some might say dysphoria with being masculine. It wasn’t hatred, just discomfort, to my understanding. If I’m wrong Natalie, please let me know, but that’s what it seems like to my eye.

That said, I hate the idea that transgender this is rooted in some sort of mental condition. I think in future years, when science improves, my eyes are open, and real study is put into transgendered-ness, we may come to the realization that transgender is an expression of intersexuality. Some might balk at that, or say that that would be a bad thing. And I understand where the fear of science categorizing Trans-ness that way would be threatening. But it could also be an opportunity for people to stop treating the trans gendered experience and non-binary people like attention whores or kids going through a “phase”. It would take people who experience these things and make these choices to live life more comfortably in terms of gender expression and increase empathy for them overall. It could also make it so that transgender/nb factors could be predicted by genetic sequencing, and parents would know right off the bat that the kid was going to be born trans or non-binary. People would be able to raise their children with their most comfortable gender expression from day one.

(The fear of eugenics from this is also very real, i understand. How many people in China and India aren’t allowed to know the sex of their baby anymore because the rates of people aborting female fetuses are intense and insane. In Scandinavia they have a way to predict certain mental development problems in fetuses and some people choose to abort their children for that reason as well. It’s not a perfect system. people will always be people, no matter how good science gets).

Again, i’m cis, and not a mind-reader. I will only ever be able to know how I feel. I can’t know anyone else’s exact experience or anything but empathy, observation, and careful listening. But from what I can tell, only people who are unhappy with the kind of life they already live have any reason to change it.

People dont transition for attention anymore than victims of sexual assault prossecute their abusers for attention. Its not like transitioning is easy! Its hard and expensive work that’s embarasing for many people. And it opens people up to an ending criticisms from uncaring and cruel people at a tender time in their lives. To bring it back to the sexual assault prosecution allegory, people who try to sue their abusers are treated like such dog shit, no one would do it voluntarily unless they felt they absolutely had to. I have no idea what anyone would think someone would do it for sport or attention, because the only attention tends to be negative at large, and it doesn’t seem very fun at all.

But I love Justine’s point about how it doesn’t matter if someone is really trans or not. We should just be open hearted and kind. I’m Ace/Aro, and it never bothers me that someone who might not actually be asexual comes into the asexual community while they’re figuring themselves out. Sometimes people come into the asexual community because their victims of assault, and they just need to hide someplace where they know no one‘s gonna try to bother them. And I’m perfectly OK with that. I actually love it. There’s also a lot of people who don’t know how to deal with thier Big Queer Feelings, And may say that theyre asexual so they don’t have to cope with the fact they might be gay or bi when they’re not ready to handle that identity yet. I also love these people, and if they need to sit in the shade of the Ace Umbrella while they work shit out, I’m glad of their company.

I also know a lot of asexual people who don’t feel the same way at all. Don’t really care for them, to be honest.

In general, I believe that most the worlds problems are caused by hard-heartedness. Even if we don’t like each other, we should still be as nice to each other as we can stand. And with time, we may figure out that we actually really like each other a whole lot. I may never be best friends with Baltimore Maryland. They might not be my Person of Honor at my wedding or Godparent to my child. But I respect Baltimore Maryland, and people like them. I think everyone has a right to live their best life so long as they’re not hurting anybody else. I believe that we have a duty to help as many people as possible live their best lives, and they can only do that if we’re trying to be good to each other. And being good to each other means opening your heart and mind.

Thanks for reading my monstrous and poorly organized essay comment if you made it to the end. If you’re a person who has experience as trans or non-binary and you like to explain to me your experience with dysphoria or the lack of it, I’m all ears.

Be well, do good work, keep in touch ✌️💛